Today Tristan is almost 3 months old. He is growing so fast and smiling everyday. My C section seems to be a distant memory and before I totally forget about it, let me share a story with my sleepless brain. I am writing this to share an experience I can look back and maybe to give alittle positivity to my fellow moms who is about to give birth or already had.
Last July, I had my third C-secion scheduled. It was both familiar and different with the COVID-19 protocol in place. I always choose the first case time and not wait the whole day terrified of what is about to happen. So, at 5am we are already in the hospital, coming in, my husband and I were both scanned for our temperature and provided with a mask. Nothing new to us since we both work as nurses. With the virus still going on I am only allowed one person to be with me the whole time, from admission to the day I was discharged from the hospital. He did made trips to the house to check on the kids with their grandpa.
By 6am, I was ready to go to the OR. All the lab works and monitoring are done. I also talked to the doctors asking me if I am ready and I answered with a laugh (I do that when I am nervous). The whole time I was wearing my mask. When I was wheeled to the OR, I got my epidural in place and I sure did not forget that first stick on my spine to introduce the medication. It was the most painful part I remember on each delivery, but in this story it’s different. When they opened me up (kinda gross to imagine), they have to go through my scars from my previous C-sections. It was really uncomfortable, especially when they tried to get Tristan out. I say uncomfortable because all I felt was the pressure and pulling, am sure there was more to that because I saw my husband’s eyes widen. But when I heard our little one’s cry, all I felt was relief and happiness.
Then, came the closing part after I briefly said hi to our baby Tristan. Saying hi is basically seeing him breastfed right away and saw how awake his eyes are. Since the first time I saw him, I felt like he is so aware of his surroundings and probably wondering what is happening. Going back to the closing me up portion, that was miserable. I am usually a person with high tolerance for pain, but that was something else. Probably being opened so many times took a toll on my abdominal walls, finally the anesthesiologist gave me more medications. Right away I felt totally drunk and separated from my body. It’s like I am watching myself in the OR. Luckily, I have good self control even when I am drunk. 🙂
From then on, all I remember is raising my hand to ring the bell that I had a baby by the nurse station. In the recovery room, I found my husband feeding our hypogylcemic baby, I had gestational diabetes so that had an effect on him. Baby Tristan did bounce back right away, ever since his sugar has been normal. It was a rollercoaster but I am just so blessed that my body still have the ability to heal fast. By afternoon I was walking to the bathroom already, this time I did not toughen it out, I acknowledge my pain and took my medications. In my head I remembered the way I take care of my patients’ pain/discomfort when I am at work. By the third day, I was discharged home with our healthy baby boy.
It was an experience that is memorable but probably in a few months I will forget most of the details, both from being too occupied and sleepless. I won’t lie, COVID-19 protocols sometimes gives me a feeling of being alone, since I can’t really see alot of my friends and family right away. But it also reminded me that I am capable of so many things. After having two boys, I found the courage on where I stand on feedings and sleep training on my third one. I am also reminded that my husband is a wonderful partner, because like me he found his strenght as a parent. Though we still have worries and arguments, at the end of the day what matters is our love and our family. Though anxiety still kicks my butt at times, probably from my hormones, I remember to pray, take care of myself, cry and just get back up again.