Who wants to be a mom? That’s a question I ran into when I am struggling to get by a hard day. Those are the days that I look at the mirror and I don’t even recognize myself. Who is that, I say, oh that’s me with no shower after doing my to do list the whole day. But seriously, this is a tough question to answer.
What every mother has been through is not easy before and after the baby or babies for some. This reminds me when I have to give myself insulin shots from having gestational diabetes. It even gives me a flashback when I sit on that cold Operating room to prepare for my C-section. And don’t forget the sleepless nights and struggles of breastfeeding. So, who really wants to be a mom? Honestly, I would still raise my hand with the rest of the brave women who believe that there is no such thing as quitting when you are a mom.
Everyone will hear that it’s worthit and a happy feeling. But most of the time, things like it’s the hardest job in the world is left out. It took me almost three years to realize that I have to take control and not let this hard question take over of my attitude as a person my kids look up to. Now that we have a new baby, what seems to be getting easier is back to being challenging again. Except this time I am more prepared with experience.
I used to work 5 days a week from 3pm to 11pm and months passed and I felt like I don’t see my eldest son growing up. It’s painful to see him favor the company of others when I have so much to share with him. That was my wake up call. So I slowed down, with the support and encouragement of my loving husband of course.
Then, here comes being home and being a mom 24/7. It finally hit me, they are right it is hard. I say this because I always come to work with a smile and an attitude that everything will be fine and easy no matter what. It was hard to take that Vanessa home when being a mom is 24/7 and not an 8 hour shift where you can say goodbye I will see you later. One day when I was close to going crazy I took out 20 notebooks (yes, i love notebooks) and choose the cutest one and start writing all my resposibilities for my family, the house and my kids. After I am all done with my to do list and staring at my calendar to make time for all of this, the word myself came to mind. Yup, mom sometimes forget “myself”, I started filling up that section and felt happier, satisfied, more in control.
It is still a work in progress, I am still figuring out how to make things work better for my family and myself. Though I am more efficient now and I could laugh more when I can’t figure out how to solve a problem. It’s funny how we overthink and then the answer just appear magically, except you still have to bring hardwork and love. Everyday I pray not for things to be easier but for me to be a better person, a better mom and that seems to bring light to all the chaos that I have in my mind and in my heart. So, I live it, head high because I would always want to be a MOM.